It turns out they were ants, anyway.

I owe Oats.

It started when I attended a meeting to learn how to make HL a therapy dog. As I listened to the sweet ladies with dainty poodles, my mutt was performing therapy by destruction on my passenger side seat belt. It's a weird kind of therapy. Very new age.

So, I'd been driving around like a weirdo with passengers in my back eat. "Enough is enough!" I said. (Actually, Boyfriend said that. And then I said, "I'll get a new seat belt when you set up an automatic transfer from your bank account into your IRA." Secret message to Boyfriend: I have secured my passengers, so it's time you secure your future.)

I did a little research and found a seat belt in a junk yard... in Spanaway. Grosssss, Spanaway! My dad, Oats, was a hero and picked it up for me. You da man, Oats! Then I drove down to Puyallup and he almost helped me install it. You almost da mechanic, Oats! Unfortunately, we lacked the seat belt tools. The neighbor had them, though, so took things apart and started reassembling them. You da tool-havingest, neighbor!

But all this was just background for why I owe Oats a blog post. He made a comment that made me giggle like my teeth were made of sparkles. The conversation went like this:

Me: Oats, there are termites around. Scary!

Oats: Well... don't come out here and be wooden.

Hahahahaha. I was talking about the house, but he was talking about Pinocchio or something

Termites. Being wooden. Bahaaha.

Invisibility Cloak

Here are things I'd do if I had an Invisibility Cloak:

-Win radio contests. I'd sneak into the radio station and eavesdrop as they discussed the winning trivia answers. Then I'd sell the prizes online to buy a year's supply of wasabi peas.

-Scare my dog. "Why is my gutted hedgehog toy flying? WHAT IS HAPPENING?" Harper Lee is so precious when she's nervous.

-Travel for free. How easy would it be to sneak on to a direct flight to Paris if you were invisible? So easy! And then I could sneak into fancy hotel rooms after the housekeepers left, and I could steal croissaints from bakeries. (Only ones they probably weren't going to sell, though. InvisiKelly isn't completely devoid of ethics.)

-Look for cheaters. Students are clever, and some like to glance at their classmates' tests. H no, students! Your teacher can see you, even though you can't see her!

It's a good thing HP took care of Voldemort. Otherwise, I'd have to focus my Invisibility Cloak privileges on fighting evil instead of eating croissants.