Linguistically Correct

I frequently force Hambers to answer probably-never-going-to-happen, so-hypothetical-it's-almost-a-waste-of-breath questions.

Examples:

Hamb, what should we do if we win $300,00? How about only $30,000?

Hamb, what would you do if my leg turned into a giant wart?

Hamb, how mad would you be if I kissed Ludacris? Just kissed him. Hardly any tongue.

Since H put a ring on it, I've realized that I get to factor him into all of my decisions, big and little. Should I spend $25 on season 4 of Friends? Should I invest some of my money for a down payment on a house a thousand years from now? Should I eat the whole bag of yogurt pretzels? (Answers: no, maybe, no but I did it anyway)

Anyway, I wondered, "What term best describes this relationship? "Fiance" doesn't mean anything, and "future husband" is precious at best... OMG, he is totally my life partner. Because we make decisions together! Like a team! Life Team!"

I probably won't call him anything but Hamb or "the man" because I only use excess syllables on jokes, but if I wanted to use the most accurate label, I'd probably gay it up and say "Here's my life partner, HamberHambyHamb." And then goobers would give me the scoff eye or wonder if one of us was a tranny, but I wouldn't care at all.

Harper can be Life Mascot. Abe is Life A'hole. My tea is Life Beverage. This is perfect.

Look out, fancy Mercedez Benz.

Unlike you futuristic weirdos, Drew and I do not have wireless internet. As I'm blogging this, my computer is attached to a cord that is attached to a cable outlet that is attached to a whole, wide, world of information and smut!

To you, this non-wireless business might be restrictive, but I like it because it keeps me closer to

this:

This wildly important piece of art is titled "Dinosaurier auf der Autobahn" (oooobviously), and it used to be in the Hambletons' shed. I bet if we took it to the Antique Road Show, they'd say, "This poster is worth one trillion dollars", but I still wouldn't sell it... well, I wouldn't let Drew sell it, because it's not technically mine until the wedding.

Should I move up the wedding so I can be half owner of this poster?

If you were with me (physically), you'd be able to see the face of the guy who's driving that green truck. If you were with me (mentally), you'd be able to think, "Woweewowwow, this dino fills my soul with joy and whimsy!"

I would feel differently if this dino's last name were Rossi, but I don't think it is. I bet its full name is Dino Clompy.

Stay here in my sight, Dino Clompy. Never, ever go extinct.