Project KRAP - Week 1

I'm adultish now, and adult(ish)s should be able to cook like whoa. Both my parents are adults, and they are master chefs. My mom makes fantastic salmon, produces delicious soup from scratch, and can make any part of a cow taste fabulous. My dad can cook mac'n'cheese without even looking at the directions on the box. See? They're real adults.

I have a plan to rise to their adult-cook status, and it has a name: Project Kelly's Really Awesome Provisions, a.k.a. Project KRAP.

Here's how it works: every week, I choose to cook with an ingredient I have never used before. Then... nothing! That's it! Project KRAP is simple to accommodate my tendency to half-ass new hobbies.

So that's it. I'm going to try stuff other than ground turkey and black beans. In ten years, I should be comfortable with 520 new ingredients starting with PEPPERONCINI. I even made up my first recipe!

Here it is:
-Cut up a pepperoncini
-Put the pieces on Triscuits

So far, Project KRAP is a huge success.

Edit from later
Please suggest ingredients! Here are the qualities I'm looking for:
-Somewhat affordable to cheapcheapcheap
-Something I'm probably not comfortable cooking yet
-Awesome
-Fruits and veggies in season

"You are being shagged by a rare parrot."

KJW - fallible.

Last night, Reynolds and I got into a bitter argument about whether "w" can be a vowel.

I said, "No! 'W' is never, ever a vowel! I know I'm right. I'm an English teacher."

Now he's sending me links like this and this and this. Guys, I think I'm wrongish, and I'm afraid. And of all the letters I could be wrong about, "W"? It hurts. I'm a Walden. I live in Washington. I attended Western Washington University and the University of Washington. I love the West Wing. I love Whoopi Goldberg. Once, I watched a few minutes of Wimbledon on TV.
R.I.P. strictly-consonanty thoughts about "w." You won't really be missed, but it was hard losing you.

My evenings

Life is so great right now. I am productive at work, and when possible I finish it there so I can come home and live the relaxy life.

Here are some of my evening activities:

-Dinner with the neighbors. First, Scotty Too Hotty made meatloaf. Then, Reynolds cooked pot roast. Tuesday, Shannon and Reynolds are preparing something Adventisty. The week after, it's my turn! Oh my goodness! STH and I considered something Catholicy, but one needs more than bread and wine.

-SKDay. That's the day where Sara comes over after work and we reminisce about old times and make plans for the new times. ("New times" is not a religious reference, even if it sounds like it.) (UNLESS, Sara and I create a new religion. I will bring this up next SKDay.)

-Accidental bus adventures. I got on the right bus - yeah 128! - but it was going the wrong direction. I ended up in Southcenter. Were you about to cry for me? Don't. STH, Reynolds, and a new friend were in the area anyway. They picked me up, we went to dinner, and I ate a spicy crispy chicken sandwich.

-Starting soon: reading for old folks. Every other Tuesday, I will read to a resident at a nursing home nearby. I hope I can choose the book. If so, I will choose A Clockwork Orange, The Road, or another soothing novel. (That was a literature joke! Because I'm an English teacher!)

-Giving Abe the stink eye. I forgot what a dumb-dumb this cat is. I love him, I really do, but sometimes a girl wants to read a book and not have a cat sit on it. It would also be nice to wake up and not find cupboard doors flung open because ol' Abey Baby needed to explore the pots and pans. "Abe! Abe! You have lived with this kitchenware before! You don't need to sit with it!" is what I'd say if he knew English.

Who needs heat for this wild life? (I admit it. I need heat for this wild life. SHOW UP, GAS MAN.)

PSE: Pajamas & Soup for Eternity

Have you heard? The Gas Man is coming today! He will make it so I can turn on the heat in my house. He will make it so that I don't have to wear sweatshirts even when bundled in my blanket. Give me five, Gas Man!

Give me five when you show up, that is. The Phone Man said, "He should be there anytime between 8 AM and late evening. I'm sorry I can't give you a more specific time than that." Gloom&Doomers might think, "Laaaaame, I have to stay at home all day," but I, NonGloom&Doomer, think, "No big deeeeeeaaaaal, I can wear my pajamas all day."

Here's what I've done so far while wearing my pajamas:
-Thought, "Boy, I'm cold."
-Made tea.
-Made tea again.
-Cleaned the kitty litter box.
-Read.
-Made more tea.
-Exhausted my morning pajama activities.

Here's what I'm going to do the rest of my pajama time:
-Think about what I would paint if I could leave the house to buy art supplies.
-Make another cup of tea.
-Pee frequently because of all the tea.
-Text my boyfriend about different bird suits he could wear since he's not at work and life doesn't have a dress code.

If you are free right now, please join my pajama party. Bring a space heater or rare gem that emits heat and fun.

French Bulldog puppy, you are an inspiration to us all.

Artists, you have a collective problem. Besides the drugs.

My walls are bare. It's not a pressing problem, but I am spending all my time at Etsy anyway. It's where regular people sell art. I can afford regular people art!

Here's the issue: I just searched "Julie Andrews" and do you know how many results I got? No, less. Twenty-five. Ridiculous! When I searched for "armadillo", I got 200. Who has had a greater impact on Western culture and, more importantly, me? Julie Andrews.

I don't know what to do. Maybe I'll have to decorate with armadillos.

West Seattle is the Best Seattle.

I live in West Seattle again. I share a wall with my old apartment, in fact. Fancy that!

Here are my favorite things about West Seattle:

-Happy Hours. Talarico's has pizza slices the size of a bison head. And it's only three fifty during happy hour. Matador has dirt cheap but NOT dirt-tasting nachos, tacos, etc. during their happy hour. Cactus boasts affordable, tasty margaritas. Get in my hand, margarita! (No, don't get in my hand. It's 8:25 AM.)

-Friendship time. All the time is friendship time in West Seattle! People are particularly friendly in Safeway. I always chat with other customers and the checkers while waiting to purchase oatmeal. Sometimes, we give each other food recommendations. Get in my life, customer friends!

-The West Seattle Blog. Let me tell you, the West Seattle Bloggers are devoted. They update multiple times a day about awesome things, like Seal Sitters. Get on my computer screen, West Seattle Blog!

-Seal Sitters. Since West Seattle is beachy (not that way... reread "Friendship Time"), baby seals like to hang out here while their moms go fishing. But oh, don't mess with these adorable chunks of blubber! You'll have to deal with the Seal Sitters. Get in my marine mammal protection zone, Seal Sitters!

-Proximity to Mariner games. I love Mariner games! Everyone loves Mariner games! And you can get to Safeco Field and all the wondrous activities in that area in 12 minutes. That's right, TWELVE. Good job, public transportation. Don't let this one spread, though, because goofballs' impressions that West Seattle is far from stuff keeps the neighborhood affordable. Get in my memory, lots of Mariner games!

-Yen Wor Village. I am not embarrassed to say some of the most fabulous nights of my life were spent in a dive bar attached to a Chinese restaurant that has Karaoke seven nights a week. We know the bartenders, we know the DJ's, we know the regulars... maybe that makes us the regulars, actually. Cadav. Sometimes we show up there in costume, and they don't get mad. Get in my metaphorical pocket of smiles, Yen Wor Village!

This list is so incomplete it doesn't even mention all my West Seattle friends whose names start with "S". There are multiple.

The Real Victims

Protect Insurance Companies PSA from Will Ferrell

Edit: While I am a fan of Obama's health care plan, it's not because insurance executive are greedy richies. Some of them are, maybe, but that's not the point. The point is that Will Ferrell makes me laugh like a bucket of otters.

I got a job at South Seattle Community College teaching folks who left school and are coming back now.

Friends, I got a job. I get to teach, and I get money.

Here are things I will buy now that I have a paycheck:

-Organic blackbeans

-THE WHOLE WORLD

Congratulations to me!

What? You didn't hear?

Initial emotion: happiness. Later emotion: frustration. Poor, dumb, French dog.