Monday, April 28, 2008

We're funnier than I'm allowed to say.

Our book club scribe posted our quotes from the last meeting. I cannot post most of them here, what with all the professionalism, but I will share a few of appropriate ones.

-"Hagrid! I call Hagrid!" (Jodi, when discussing who would dress up as which book character for Ski to Sea)

-"I wish I had a younger sibling to torture. Would it be bad if I tortured my kids?" (Kris)

-"My brother once gave me a paintball and told me it was a gumball." (Kris, which explains her psychological state evident in the previous quote)

-"I believe... horses can talk." (One of Jodi's students)

For further proof of Kris's desire to inflict pain, I have included this photographic evidence of Kris trying to hit me with the giant pencil.

Breakfast cereal

Oh Muesli
You're so fine
You're so fine you blow my mind
Hey Muesli
Hey Muesli

Friday, April 25, 2008

Thursday, April 24, 2008

I would take my Panda everywhere.

Overheardinmiddleschool.com (if there were one)

Teacher: Okaaay, who's in the "Axis of Evil"?
Student: Marcus!



Please note that the teacher was asking about the Axis of Evil not to spread silly propaganda, but rather to address some perceptions we have of Iran.

Oh, and guess what else! The students were researching Iran a little TOO seriously last week; Homeland Security called the school district to investigate.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Weirdencountersinmiddleschool.com (if there were one)

Today, the eighth-graders decided to talk about gleeking. All day. One believed that his friend created the word.

But that's not as funny as the kid who humped the door.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Barbara Kingsolver and adult beluga

Barbara Kingsolver is the sea star of my touch tank, the flying duckling of my Planet Earth. No one can write like the Kings. I'm reading a collection of her essays right now, High Tide in Tucson, and just a few minutes ago, "Civil Disobedience at Breakfast" made me guffaw alone on the couch. Here is a supershort excerpt that is out of context, but will still rock some gooey sections of your brain:

When my mother is canonized, I will testify that she really did sit through a hundred virtually identical productions, staged by my siblings and me, of the play titled approximately "The Dutch Boy Who Saved His Town By Putting His Finger in the Hole in the Dike." I have no idea why we did this. It seems truly obsessive.

Yes, Barby Barb gets billions of points for making my heartless self laugh, and then several billion more points for inspiring this Kingsolver obsession. I've always wanted to be one of those people who goes out and reads everything by a certain author. (Ok, in high school, I went out and read everything by J.D. Salinger, but word on the street is he's a creepy alcoholic. Thus, I decree that high school author obsessions don't count. Same with high school friends and high school pants.)

If I were Barbara Kingsolver, I would end this post with eloquence and humor. But I'm not Barbara Kingsolver, not even a little bit. So, I will end with this beluga:


Cookie Haiku (say it aloud!)

Snickerdoodles, woot!
Delicious, Cinnamony,
But without a home.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

30-minute meals > 30-minute biographies

VH1 does "Behind the Music" instead of "Behind the Food" because chefs are boring. Here are some details I learned about Rachael Ray in an unriveting "Chefography" episode:

-When Boo, Rachael Ray's pit bull, died, it was one of the saddest times of her life.
-It should have only taken Rachael and her mom four hours to get to the set of The Today Show, but it was snowing, so it took seven hours.
-Rachael Ray paid $575 a month for her cabin. She rented to own.

I have nothing against Ms. Ray, although I would have appreciated an opium addiction or something to spice up the biography. Healthy, stable people shouldn't be on television.

Pwning the dance floor.

Ocassionally, I want to watch Montell Jordan sing "This is How We Do It," but I can't because he's washed up somewhere. Maybe Reno or Hoboken. Fortunately, Space Band fills this Montell Jordan void.

Thanks, Space Band. You da bomb.

Guitar Hero is the new Cribbage.

Someone at NPR says the gaming industry is stunting men's personal growth and maturity.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Haircut, with decent swoop.

Here I am at 7:24 AM. Self-portraits are a better use of my time than driving to school, donating money to charity, picking up fancy cat food for Abraham Lincoln, etc.