Excellent news!

I am cavity-free!

This morning, I went to the dentist. It was the first time in five years that I paid Dr. Bailey a visit. I could tell that he missed me a lot, mostly from the cardboard cut-out of me they had in the waiting room, but also from the music. They were playing what has been called "worship music", although I listened closely, and I didn't hear the singers specify the object/person they were worshiping. I think we can safely assume it's me.

After all the blushing from being worshiped, I heard somebody say, "Kelly Amazing Walden?" It was the dental hygienist. I followed her back to the fourth room on the right. It wasn't scary.

I wore cool sunglasses while the hygienist scraped tea awesome stains off my teeth. She talked to me about mashed potatoes and short commutes while I thought about how sweet it was for them to have the cardboard cut-out of me. It really was nice. Most places I go don't have that. I mean, a lot of them do, but not over fifty percent.

Post-scraping and whirring, they gave me some mouthwash to swoosh around "until it gets foamy." It got foamy, so I spit it out into the cup. Well, partly into the cup, and partly onto my Boundary Bay hoodie. It dried off quickly, but my sweatshirt still smells minty fresh.

Finally, they told me that the molar pain I experience when I try to run across the busy road to get to my bus stop is not, in fact, due to cavities. Turns out that two of my molars have exposed roots. Goofballs! All the cold air I breathe whilst running makes the roots say, "Hey! Ouch!" (but in tooth-language). Now I have fancy toothpaste to quiet those noisy little monsters.

I must go make a poster about misplaced modifiers, but worry not, reader! I will keep you updated on the condition of my teeth.