I am soooo politically literate.

All right, I was going to do serious research and back up the following claims with legitimate sources, but I wanted to get into the political mindset and give "facts" instead. (Oh, I am being mean. I think our campaigning habits are silly, but for the most part, I like politicians. Except Rudy Giuliani. Get out of my face and my Newsweek, Rudy Giuliani.)

In honor of the kicking-butt-in-the-polls, I've decided to kick off the post with Hillary Clinton. Ms. Clinton is a smart human, and she knows her way around the White House. I like that in a presidential candidate. However, I think she is a bit polarizing. (Here, I almost said, "Sure, the polarization is between the educated and the ignorant," but I decided that it was unfair, incorrect, and not hilarious.) Perhaps this bad-ass picture would cancel out all the hostility:





Yes, it would definitely put a stop to the animosity. Hillary Clinton is so freaking cool, especially lacey-collared and looking to the side like that.






I don't know a whole lot about Mitt Romney, but his debonair charm concerns my roommate. He's Mormon, though, isn't he? I've never met a Mormon I didn't like. I'm not rooting for any Republicans, but with the information I have, I wouldn't damn the right-wing to hell if they nominated this guy. (Salt-n-Pepa tell me that there's only one judge and that's God, so chill and let [their] Father do His job. Salt-n-Pepa is/are usually right. Therefore, I probably can't damn anyone the Republicans nominate. Still, that doesn't mean they should get out of control. I could throw eggs... hard-boiled eggs, scrambled eggs, eggs over medium, any kind of egg!)

Rudy "My Kids Refuse to Campaign For Me Because I'm a Jerk" Giuliani, on the other hand.... Besides the fact that I cleverly hid in his nickname (which, by the way, I made up myself), I don't know why he makes me so grumpy. Maybe it's that all he talks about is 9/11, and hey! Rudy! You were the boss of New York City, but Hillary was representing the whole dang state! She was there, too! So shut up, Rudy Giuliani. You're not an impressive man, and I don't like you, and I might start an Anyone But Rudy campaign on this really, really, really infuential blog.

That'd show him, having personality traits that bug me... psh.

Moving on, I think Barack Obama is swell. Once, I wrote about how he was too inexperienced and blah, blah, blah, but then, while lifting weights at WWU's rec center, I listened to his DNC keynote speech on my iPod. (Do you see how I weaseled in that comment about me lifting weights so you can imagine my strong, strong muscles? I will teach my students, the future of America, those tricks.) It changed my mind. Barack is a hero. Don't rule him out yet, people! There is hope! He was just on SNL! And Salt-n-Pepa (actually, just Salt) changed the "Whatta Man" lyrics from "body like Arnold" to "body like Barack!"

And on that note, I'm going to prepare myself for the Salt-n-Pepa Show, Mondays at 10:00 on VH1.

Packin' and mackin' / Bambloozin' and smackin' suckas with this track blog aaaaand,
KJW

PS I only selected four candidates to highlight. Why? Well, that's none of your business.