My Outer Child

Remember when I swore I was blonde, and then I realized that my hair was the same color as my eyes, and my eyes were brown? I had to admit I was a brunette. It was horrifying.

Flying to Albuquerque, I came to a similarly difficult realization: I am not sophisticated and cosmopolitan.

I was connected to the armrest by potentially lice-ridden headphones and perusing United Airlines' radio stations. (XM? Sirius? I don't remember! Bad advertising, satellite radio company!) After a little bit of Avril Lavigne on the "Top 20" station (it's like Top 40, except half as cool), I started flipping through the channels. Then, a brilliant little ditty stopped me.

"My feet take me everywhere, take me off to anywhere, I love my feet. (Choir: He loves his feet!) Out into the street I go, dancing to the beat you know, I love my feet. (Choir: He loves his feet!) My feet, they got five little toes apiece! They bring you joy that just doesn't cease...."

It was amazing. I was smiling. Then the DJ came on. "That was Peter Himmelman with 'Feet." Before that we had They Might Be Giants. Remember when They Might Be Giants was writing songs only for adults? I'm so glad they're making music for kids like us, now!"

Yes, reader! I was loving the kids station! It's like I'm not even a graduate student who wears cashmere scarves and has learned to tolerate martinis!

So, I'm going to take away "mature-as-evinced-by-fancy-taste-in- music" from my List of Attributes. I will add "youthful." For your records, here is an abridged version of the aforementioned list:
-Youthful
-Jocular
-Racquetbally
-Accomplished
-Formidable
-Kelly Jean Waldenesque

I will hear your suggestions for other attributes to add, unless it is "Cooler-than-NicUnCool." Everybody knows this already, and I don't want to make her feel any worse than she already must, what with the personality and all.