Backcountry boyfriend

My boyfriend is like one of those TV boyfriends. The good ones. Here are examples from this weekend:

Me: Oh my God, this uphill portion of the trail is the devil.
Drew: Let's take a break. Here is punch. Here is Advil. Here is a granola bar. Let's repack and I will take all the heavy stuff. Let me take your bag up the hills.

Me: Oh my God, I have to poo in the outdoors.
Drew: You can use the hole I just dug, and here is the toilet paper.

Me: Oh my God, life is so hard.
Drew: Here is a snuggle, and here is a briefcase with a million dollars cash inside, and here is a domesticated perma-baby elephant.

These are not all 100% accurate, but close. He really did dig a toilet for me!

If anyone else were my trail guide, I would be reflecting on the past four days with thoughts like, "My muscles are sore and I'm not sure it was worth it," but instead I'm thinking, "I want to go on more multiple-night backcountry adventures with my boyfriend!"

Now I'm afraid I've revealed the secret treasure to the world and you connivers are going to steal him away for YOUR backpacking trips. Shoo.