Next big idea

Remember the tiny whale idea? Like, how you could put some itsy bitsy Humpbacks in an aquarium in a doctor's office? Of course you do. Your collective silence, readers, indicated you were overwhelmed by the thought, in a good way.

Well here's the next one:

Teeny weeny woolly mammoth.

Do you love it? They'd have to be housetrained, of course, and their tusks would need to be dulled, but still. I envision them the size of a cocker spaniel, and just as snuggly as my parents' black lab.

Get to it, scientists.

Chef Show 2

You know my second favorite chef show?

IRON CHEF AMERICA! (Say that with an echo. It'll give you a better understanding of the show.)

In ICA, one of the Iron Chefs competes against a guest chef to use a secret ingredient in the best ways. If you're lucky, you won't have to watch an episode with Iron Chef Bobby Flay. Iron Chef Bobby Flay is soooo annoying. I love the rest of them, though. They're sweet. You could make them in the cotton candy machine, probably.

Anyway, here are some ingredients I haven't seen them use but they should:
-Frog legs
-Tripe
-Bacon jam
-Pineapple
-Black tea
-Peanut and butter jelly sandwiches
-That peanut butter and jelly that comes swirled in one jar
-One grape that they have to split up over all their dishes
-The 32-inch rat they found in Papua New Guinea
-Ricky Martin Van Buren Raden (NicUnCool's faaaaaaatty cat)
-Molasses

I would happily be the judge for most of these episodes. And my birthday's in only seven months. Go! Make it happen!

Chef Show 1

Chef shows are the best shows. My pal Baum disagrees. She says, "Watching a food show is like listening to a photography show." That's true, I suppose, but I bet listening to a photography show would be ok. It really would. ("The shadow covers up the man's face, but that's no big deal. I hear he's NOT a looker.")

My favorite chef show is Top Chef. Have you watched it? This is my first season following it religiously, but I consider myself an expert anyway. I pick up things quickly. Like ice cream cones. If it drops, I pick it up quickly. I may or may not continue to eat depending on the cleanliness of the floor.

Here are some of Top Chef's best qualities:

-Tom. Somehow Tom knows how to be boring AND charming. Carson Daly never figured that out.

-Letting me judge people in a mean way. When I meet someone in person, I figure out something to like about them, even if they suuuuck. I don't feel that same obligation with tv folks. It's fun to hate that guy from Jersey!

-Letting me fall in love with four different people and root for them. Red Beard, Brothers, and The Only Good Girl. Those four will be in the top because they are to cooking what I am to blogging - better than almost everyone in the world.

-Food. I love food! I love it so much! And it reminds me of all these things I need to taste - frog legs, tripe, bacon jam, etc.

Top Chef is on in two hours, and already I am so ready I could vomit (to make room in my stomach for their impossible-to-reach-through-the-tv treats).