International Scholars Most Valuable Opinion Award

"Nic-Nic-Nicaroo Kristine Raden" won. She convinced me to send her the interview questions rather than ask her over the phone. Because of this, she seems funnier than me. Psssh....

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Question 1: Why the h do you care about neglected and abused kids?

Because of their cute little faces.

Question 2: Do you think I should care about neglected and abused kids, too? Why?
Yes, because you should try to emulate everything I do and think.

Question 3: How do you think people will respond to the crassness of those last two questions?
Most people I know would not understand your sense of humor. They might feel any of these emotions: scared, unsure, frightened, exasperated, nauseated, iffy, quiet, subtle, goopy, snarffly, waffley, carebeary.

Question 4: Why should I care about your opinion?
Last year, I won the International Scholar’s Most Valuable Opinion Award for my highly acclaimed opinions. So even if you don’t want to care, facts show that you have to. My opinion is a treasure.

Question 5: What question should I ask Bombgal* when I interview her?
What’s it like to have such long flanhoodley arms? How do you feel about the fact that all of Bellingham, WA has seen inappropriate amounts of your lower back? Why do people call you WappyDoodle behind your back? What’s your favorite kind of stingray?

Question 6: What have you secretly wanted to tell me your whole life?
There are several things:

1 – You are the love of my life

2 – And the apple of my eye

3 – Meet me by the clock tower at 3pm.

Question 7: What do you think about your snack drawer? Will you have one when you grow up?

I think the snack drawer is an innovative step towards the progression of the future. Yes, I will have one when I grow up and it will be voice activated and I will use it while I’m floating on my hoverboard in my one-piece silver outfit.

Question 8: How much do you enjoy looking at pictures of me? I have attached one, in case you need it.

It depends on what you mean by “enjoy.” If you mean “want to jam pencils into my eyes just to avoid the torture of seeing that for one more second” then the answer would be “quite a bit.”

Question 9: What do you think about this interview ending on question 9 rather than, say, question 10, or even question 7?

To be honest, it makes me extremely uncomfortable. My undiagnosed OCD makes me want to round it out to 10 questions so badly that I am going to invent a Question 10 just to make the creepy crawlies stop going up my back.

Question 10: What are you doing today? [I would never ask a question as lame as this one.]

Well, I’m going to be at work until 4pm. Then I’m going to go home and work on some Christmas present crafting. After that, I’m probably going to go to Compass and volunteer. After that, I’m probably going to start a blog that will be the #1 blog on the internet.

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What a jerk.