Oh, just traveling the world not wearing a belt.

::ring::
::ring::

Kelly Jean!

Bombgal!

Whatup?

Well, I'm calling to interview you for my famous blog!

Yes!

Are you ready? I'm interviewing you right now. I'm recording right now, in fact, so don't talk about... you know...

Those STD's you have?

Aw, shoot. Now I HAVE to print it. Well, ok. First question - some of these may have been contributed by the last interviewee, a certain Nic-Nic-Nicaroo. Question 1: What's it like to have such long, flanhoodley arms?

Well, they're very nice for reaching things, but it makes it difficult to buy sweaters that fit.

So, how do you interact with your short-armed roommate?

Well, we figure that together, we make one, average-length person, so it works out really well. I always have to reach things off the shelf for her, but I don't care.

You're such a good roommate.

I am.

Next question: How do you feel about the fact that all of Bellingham, Washington has seen inappropriate amounts of your lower back?

I'm OK with that. I think, actually, that my mission in life is to have more of the world see inappropriate portions of my lower back.

How do you plan on going about that?

Oh, just traveling around the world not wearing a belt.

That's good. So, why do people call you WappyDoodle behind your back?

I didn't realize that they did!

Well, it WAS behind your back, but now that you know, how do you feel about it?

I'm a little hurt, but, you know, anytime someone goes to the trouble of making up a name about you, I think it means they care a little too much.

Good point. What do you think we should call ShortArms* behind her back?

T-Rex Arms.

Ok, that's good. So, what's your favorite kind of stingray?

Not that one that killed Steve Erwin, that's for sure. I like the ones I saw in Sea World when I went there in the fourth grade.

Did you jump in the tank and swim with them?

No, I just petted their flat, stringrayless bodies. They had their stingers removed.

Oh. Why didn't you jump in then, if they couldn't sting you?

Well, because they frown upon that in Sea World, and I was still at the point in my life where I followed all the rules.

So, if we went now and I said, "Hey Bombgal. I'll give you half of this hot dog I'm eating if you jump in the tank with the stingrays." What would you do?

I'd say... I'd probably do it, as long as the water looked pretty clean.

Good. I think I'm going to arrange that. Ok, what would you do if I said, "Hey, I'm not going to recycle for one whole year"?

Wow. You probably wouldn't survive that year because I would have probably killed you.

How would you kill me?

Poison.

What kind of poison? I know where this is going...

Kelly Poison.

I thought you were going to say, "ShortArms Poison."

ShortArms Poison only works on ShortArms!

Well, if you got extra-potent ShortArms Poison and I brought out my inner-ShortArms....

That's true. You could tuck your arms into your shirt.

And teach special-ed children.

And wore fake watermelons in the front of your shirt.

And was from Marysville.

Mm hm. Then the ShortArms Poison would work.

So, speaking of, if I were to interview ShortArms, what questions should I ask her?

You should ask her what's inside her boobs - what she thinks is really inside them. And you should ask her the definitions of words. Look up some weird words in the dictionary, and ask for her definition. You could also find some words from urbandictionary.com and ask her the definition of them, and see how many more she gets right.

I just learned a funny word from urbandictionary.com, and once the recorder's off, I'm going to tell you. We'll have a good laugh together. Finally, what message do you have for my really, really loyal and hopefully money-giving-to-me readers?

Recycle if you want to survive.