Similes

It's raining in Trondheim! What!?! It's northern(ish) Norway in February, and it's raining. Not snowing. Here is what rain in Trondheim is like:

-Ludacris in fishnet stockings
-Snow in Seattle (except for the winter of 08/09)
-An effective clothes dryer in the student laundry rooms
-NicUnCool in a spread of Cool People Magazine
-Baby goats in a spread of Ugly Animal Magazine

It doesn't make sense, not even a little.

The Best Friend

Former palsy-walsy NicUnCool wrote a cruel blog post, and I considered countering it with this:

Response to Nic's stupid list:
1. My face is more pleasing to the eye compared to your face AND your blog.
2. You are not smarter, faster, or stronger. We will have a wrestling match to prove this.
3. Ok, you are serving "America" through Americorps, but I am serving THE FUTURE OF THE UNIVERSE through my teaching. Oh, and you are getting paid just a wee, wee salary, yes, but I am getting paid NOTHING. I am the ultimate sacrificer. Me and Mulan.
4. That's true. Your handwriting is bigger.
5. I am younger.
6. Um, giant panther versus scrawny, dirty bear? Yeah, giant panther wins.
7. You put on that poll, Nic. You did. And you skewed it.
8. I am the humblest and the prettiest.
9. You have gone on the same number of blind dates as me, and I set you up on one of yours. In fact, on Mother's Day, your blind date texted me, "Happy Mother's Day!"
10. Oats was on a Korum Ford commercial and has been in the audience of SEVERAL episodes of Northwest Afternoon.
11. You haven't even named your stinking cat. You can't claim its cuteness over other cats until it has a name. And a Roth IRA.
12. I have 12 items in my list, whereas you only have 11 in yours.

Yes, that is what I was going to post, but then I thought, "Why don't I let Nic live in her fantasy world while I do productive things like give money to charity and do push-ups?" So, that is what I did. Charity and push-ups.

Nic and I end our conversations abruptly.

Me: I don't think you would pick me a flower.

NicUnCool: I would! I would run through brackleberries to pick you a flower! I'd come out all bloody and scabby and brackleberried, but I would pick you a daisy!

Me: Hahahahahaha. Thanks. Bye.

NicUnCool: Bye.

::click::