KJW: Patience-Haver, Money-Saver

You want to know why I'm blogging like it was 2008? Because it's free!

I've been thinking about cash-money and how I don't have any, and how if I want a dog, it'll take some of that non-cash. What do I do? Suze Orman knows.

So a little online research, a whole lot of using my parents cable to watch Suze shoot down a guy's dream of a house boat, and some honest and kind-of-fun reflection made me realize this: I need to save like whoa.

Ain't no thang. I am freaking about "low" levels in my checking account that once would have been thrillingly "high". But Suze Orman would tell me that until I have an impressivo emergency savings account, I can't cure Puppy Fever with a spaniel, retriever, or any other caniney rascal.

In sum, I have a new goal. Wait wait, let's capitalize it...
New Goal: Save 12 grand. Get a dog. Take it to the park and giggle at its silly tricks while I bask in financial security.

Eye-steered car: a bad idea

Some goofballs are creating a car that's steered by your eyes. What?! Can you imagine how many puppies my car would run into?!

Childish vs. Childlike

I'm seeing my peers get all "Oh, I'm not going to do this fun, hilarious thing because that's childish." What ding dongs! Fake mustaches are not childish. They're childlike.

Here are more examples to deepen your understanding:

Childish: calling in sick to work because you're tired :(
Childlike: doing a Beyonce dance to wake up from the tiredness :)

Childish: spending all your money on chocolate bars instead of housing :(
Childlike: having your friends paint Lady GaGa masterpieces to fancy up your home in a frugal way :)

Childish: not taking your car in to get oil changes :(
Childlike: writing hysterical things on friends' (with senses of humor) dirty cars like "I wish my boyfriend was this dirty!" :) (Don't do that if your friend is going on a job interview or something. Then this would be childish.)

Childish: pouting about friends' boringness :(
Childlike: having a box of silly hats your friends can wear when they come over :)

To summarize, in 12, 28, and 45 years, I'll be (a) financially stable and (b) a riot! And I'll hang out with you if you're a riot, too... and/or you're financially stable and will take me out on your boat.

The Year of 25, starting yesterday.

Remember when I was 24? Man, what a goof I was. Now I'm 25. I'm fancy. I'm wrinkly.

That birthday, I declared some stuff. It was the Year of the Lemons, the Year of Comfortable Shoes, the Year of Susan Boyle, etc. All good choices. I was wise for a 24-year-old.

It's time to move on to greater things, though.

The Year of 25:
-The Year of Fiscal Responsibility
-The Year of Nicki Minaj
-The Year of Late Morning Snuggles
-The Year of Public Transportation

I considered declaring The Year of Making Friends with People Who Own Boats, but I'll save that for 26. That would be too much pressure for my peer group in this tough economic time.

Happy Birthday to me!

A peeve

For an English teacher, I'm not persnickity about grammar. Honestly. If a person says "safe" when they should have "safely", I don't judge. When I read "gonna" in my students' papers, I don't freak out.

But for some reason, I struggle to respect those who consistently mix up "you're" and "your". If I send you "Thanks!" via text and you respond "Your welcome", I'll squint my eyes in anger and make a mental note to no longer express gratitude to you.

Overall, though, I love all words and the people who say them. Your all super!





I don't know if I have the strength to let that joke remain.

Dog Fever

Some people have Spring Fever. Others have Baby Fever. I have Dog Fever.

Ohmygodiwantadogsobadly.

I do have a wonderful roomdog (like a roommate, but a dog), Solomon. I freaking love Solomon. He is the sweetest, gentlest dog in North America. However, he's not mine. I want one of my own! To name and to cuddle!

And, ok, I have Abey Lincoln. He is a magnificent cat, and I already forgive him for trying to gnaw on my chin while I drank my tea. But could Abey hack it in the dog park? H no.

I am not in the life position for a dog... yet. Some day I will be. I'll have a few extra dollars, some spare backyard, and I'll be comfortable in the "got to go home and take care of Notorious D.O.G." routine.

For now, though, I get my canines fix by invading strangers' personal spaces and petting their dogs at farmers' markets, beaches, and coffee shops that somehow get around the health codes. Oh, and petfinder.com. Thank the internet for that wonderful petfinder.com.

Elephant Seals

When my pal Baum and I drove from Santa Barbara to Seattle, we hung out with baby elephant seals.


Look at this. A whole beach of baby elephant seal. Plus, there was one big daddy. I will post a picture of him... now!


Guess how enormous he is. No, bigger. He is nearly 16 feet long! My dad, Oats, is just over six feet tall, so imagine 2 2/3 of Oats. Whoa. Plus, when this elephant seal rears up to wobble his giant nose at another guy elephant seal, he stands about eight feet tall. Don't mess with him. He will get you.

According to Wikipedia, the largest elephant seal ever recorded was 11,000 pounds and over 22 feet long. Omg.

When it comes down to it, though, I am more impressed by the adorable babies than by the giganto males.


Stab me in the heart with a cute fork. I'm done.

This narrows me down to 1.5% of the population, I bet.

Things I Like That Most People Don't:

-Watching college fastpitch on TV. How do I watch TV if I don't have channels? The gym! It's perfect. The elliptical, UW TV, and the nation's champions. I enjoy fastpitch more than baseball, in fact, because it's faster and the girls cheer. Cheer! Like, cheers that rhyme!

-Doing dishes. It's soothing, and my hands are always dry anyway, so it doesn't have any negative side effects. Clean forks, relaxing minutes, and, when no one else is around, NPR on the radio. When I'm old and rich, I will get a kitchen with two giant sinks. (Dangit. Now the boyfriend knows I don't wash his dishes to be nice.)

-Eating plain, non-fat yogurt. To be fair, I prefer yogurt with flavors, but just examine the ingredients. The cheap, plan stuff has, like, three ingredients, while the others have a billion, several of which I can't pronounce. Unacceptable. Give me the basic, and I'll add my own flair... and by "flair", I mean blueberries and nothing else, because I am in a breakfast rut.

That's all I can think of. My tastes aren't unique. If I made a Stuff I Like That Most People Also Like, it'd be even longer than a detailed list of how many times Abe Lincoln tries to get my attention when I am busy. "Woweewow!" you say. I know. So this is it. Softball, dishes, and yogurt. I'm a teensy bit unique.

Get back in my life, speakers.

I didn't appreciate computer speakers while I had them.

In the olden days, I could put on a Nicki Minaj playlist and dance while cleaning my room.

In the olden days, I could snuggle up with the boyfriend and watch a documentary about the beer industry on streaming Netflix.

In the olden days, I could enjoy "Single Ladies" Youtube videos without getting flat hair from headphones.

My life is a lot harder now.

First World Problems

What a dingbatty day. I'll explain using the math symbols "+" and"-" to indicate swell things and stupid things, respectively.

+I ate a third of a burrito for breakfast because that's the only food I had left in the fridge.

-I get to the office and realize I forgot to bring the papers I graded at home... the same papers I skipped the Trailer Park Boys sequel for!

+We hear good news about our school's contract, but it's even more boring than the other two things above, so I won't tell you.

Keep reading. It gets goofballo. Do you think I'd blog about 3/11/10 if the events were all on the scale of the above events? If so, YOU're goofballo.

-When I walked in the door at home, I smelled a terrible odor. Solomon the Gentlest Dog in the World had pooed a horrible poo in my bedroom.

-Since the poo had tainted one of my bed sheets, I tore up the bed. Suddenly, a SOMEWHAT LARGE SPIDER came running across the sheets. I killed it with some of the rage left over from discovering the poo. (I HAVE BEEN SLEEPING WITH A SPIDER.)

+I bought cat food for Abe Lincoln. I explained the "All Walk" intersection to a baffled pedestrian.

+I won 2 games of Cribbage. Hamb and I mourned and celebrated, respectively, by eating sushi.

+I visited Jodi in Lynnwood, because she was in the area for a SPED conference. She taught me about Autism.

And here is where it gets doofiest....

-My eye plowed into the Lumina's car door. No, I was not intoxicated. No, the door hadn't swung into my face. I simply leaned to grab my phone and BOOM. Cut under my eye. It bled. Now it's all band-aidy. It may be accompanied by a black eye in the morning.

I'm ready for a poo-free, eye-wound-free 3/12/10.

Beat the Drum, Parts 1 and 2

Reason #1 Today is a Good Day:
Hamble and I are celebrating two years since our first date. Aw. To honor the occasion, we will eat ice cream.

I love Hamble. Here we are eating sausage on date #1:

Psych! That's a picture of 2 aardvarks, one adult one baby.

Here we really are:



Reason #2 Today is a Good Day:
You know about Better Lovers Book Club, right? And you know they're my favorite people, and how we always have giggle storms together, and how they all live far away?

Well, scratch that last one off, because THREE - one, two, three! - are moving to Seattle within the next few months. I knew about EBot and Lynn, but now Jodi too! Woweewowowow.

Simile time: three of my bffs moving to Seattle is like waking up and discovering a thirty-foot high Reese's Peanut Butter Cup in my backyard. And that Peanut Butter Cup would be sheltered from the rain and other treat-stealers by a beautiful yet intimidating tent.

No worries. I'm still 24.

"She was twenty-five and looked it, and so there was no longer any need for her to try to be attractive."


Mitchell, Margaret. Gone with the Wind. New York, NY: Warner, 1993. Print.