S2S09

I haven't told you about Ski to Sea 2009! Oh my gosh! You aren't prepared for this entry! The reason I didn't internettily build up the race like I did last year, though, was because I was training hard.

Maybe that's a lie.

Prepared or not, Better Lovers Book Club participated in Ski to Sea yesterday. We won. First place. Millions of dollars in prize money and overwhelming amounts of media attention.

Maybe that's another lie!

We did get first place in the little known (as in, our team knows about it, and now you know about it) Book Club Division. Second year in a row! Two for two!

Details later, if I feel like it. Until then, a team picture:

Please notice my new spectacles.

Bird News

Mockingbirds can tell people apart. I think that's a little freaky. You know who probably thinks it's freakier? My pal, Lynn. She's afraid of birds. In fact, she's afraid of anything that can attack her from above. I suspect she also fears bats, anvils, angels, and hail. And you know what? I bet she's not afraid of penguins, ostriches, or emus. They're birds too, Lynn! Stop claiming bird hatred if it's really things-from-above hatred that possesses you!

Anyway, if people keep saying you're paranoid because you claim a bird hates you, you may actually be right, especially if you're mean and sass the grandma who tapped your shoulder at the Mariner game. Yes, that person exists. She wore hoop earrings and rooted for the Anaheim Angels. If I were a mockingbird, I would recognize her and say, "That girl needs some niceness bird-swooped into her." Then I would, as you guessed, swoop. She'd be frightened and therefore nicer. Fear changes people.

Summer space

Do I look like a cowgirl? No? Well, after a few months in Wyoming I will. I'll walk around with a lasso and a piece of hay in my mouth, and I'll say, "Howdy." That's it. No more conversation. Just "howdy." I'll be the strong, silent type of cowgirl.

Here are things I have lined up in Jackson:
-A job
-A boyfriend
-A noble quest
And now...
-A bedroom!

Yes, as of twenty minutes ago, I officially have a room to rent for June and July. Highlights include a flower garden, my own bathroom, shag carpet, and wood panelling.

With this bedroom decor, I may actually have an identity crisis. Cowgirl? Disco queen? I don't knooow!

What I decided over salmon and potatoes.

1. If I could have dinner with anybody alive, it would be Nelle Harper Lee.

We would not eat mockingbird.


2. If I could have dinner with anybody dead, I think I'd choose Lucille Ball. I considered someone ancient, but the language barriers would get in the way.

Man, there would be some laughter at that meal. I'm a riot, and Lucy's kind of funny, too.


3. Who'd you have dinner with? Besides me. Everyone chooses me. Let's get unpredictable.

For NicUnCool, who brings out the prettiest in me

Mystery solved

Have you heard about the universities receiving millions of dollars from an anonymous donor? And you know how everyone wants to know who it is? I have the answer.

It's me.

Psssyyyyccchhh. But it could be, practically, with the $400 tax rebate I just got. You da bomb, federal government!

PS Regarding the "federal government" link, I KNOW there are other branches in the federal government, but I liked this website best. Get on it, judicial system.

This graph won't put you to sleep, unless you're French or American or something.

Who the heck sleeps the most? Norwegians? Koreans? Mexicans? Americans? Answer: none of those, you turkey. It's the French!

Here's a graph. The bars represent the average number of minutes slept by citizens surveyed.

"Bonjour, I am French, and I am sleeping."

Birthday Party

A few weeks ago, I had a birthday party. We chose our favorite decade and dressed up to fit in that decade. Then we sang Karaoke. Here are a few pictures that don't do the night justice.

Shannon (left) did my hair (center). She is a genius. Brittany (right) had green jaguars hidden in her one-piece. Truth.

Renee and Steve were pilgrims. They won Best Party People. I'm not sure how Renee got into her dress, but I am impressed. Here they are singing "Country Roads."


Drew and I represented two different decades, and we represented them well.

Smoothie post

My favorite drink is the smoothie. Has been for years. In high school, it might have been an obsession. Smoothie here, smoothie there, smoothie smoothie everywhere!

Here are the qualities of a good smoothie:
-Thickness
-Fruitiness

That's it. They're delicious AND simple. Holla atcha, smoothie!

Wowee wowowowee wow! I need a cat door.

Discontent

Forever ago, Washington enacted this law tsaying you can't talk on a cell phone while driving. That's dumb. I realize conversations about donuts/gay rights/cadav are distracting, but they're not the only thing. However, they're the only distraction legislated!

Soooo silly.

Here are things I do while driving that distract me as much or more as when I talk on my cell phone:
-Dance in a silly manner.
-Eat string cheese.
-Play rhyming games with the pair of aardvarks that always hang out in the back seat.
-Look for my sunglasses. I can never find them.
-Get blinded by the sun because I don't have my sunglasses.
-Check out puppies on the sidewalk.
-Sideswipe other Chevrolet Luminas so I can be the only one on the road.
-Look for Salt'n'Pepa on my iPod.
-Spill tea on my pants.
-Change into my celebrity outfit in case common folk at my destination (usually Safeway) ask for my autograph.
-Shave my legs and armpits using only a sharp rock.

Is congress going to regulate how much sun gets my eyes? Tea/pant conflicts? MY LEG STUBBLE? No, and they shouldn't get in the way of me calling friends to discuss urgent matters like Stonehenge.

I'm looking out for all of us. Keep that in mind when I run for important political positions, like treasurer of the Chevy Lumina Society. Yes, treasurer AND founder. I know.

Or The Year of Tiny Animals (Relatively Speaking) Standing Next to Their Giant Parents?