Timeline of my phone

November 2007: Phone arrives in my mailbox. Makes chirpy "incoming text" sounds that charm me

August 2008: Phone annoys me a little because every once in a while, it freezes and won't let me call, text, etc. I give the phone the stink eye. It doesn't respond, because electronics don't have feelings or facial expressions.

February 2009: Phone lazily sits around in a desk drawer because it's in Norway and who wants to pay all the money to call the United States from Norway? Only crazies. Phone does not figure out a way to be useful. What a loser.

May 2009: Phone sucks. Phone battery dies in, like, six minutes (or 1.2 days, cadav) and does the freezy thing more often. Doesn't get replaced, though, because I am poor.

June 2009: Phone falls in a ecofriendly hotel toilet. Survives after phone version of CPR.

July 3, 2009: Phone tumbles into a tupperware filled with ice and water. I don't notice because I am DESTROYING THE COMPETITION at dodgeball. Phone cannot be resuscitated.

July 4, 2009: I get a way better phone and though my vault of money I swim around in like Scrooge McDuck is less full, I am happy and reachable.

My favorite things - roller disco in costume

My favorite basement activity is the roller disco. It is enhanced by costumes (not themed!) and dancey songs (typo: first I wrote "snogs") that are not limited to disco. So really, it's like a "roll around to upbeat tunes wearing silly outfits", but that's not catchy at all.

Roller discos can be challenging when few participants have items on which to roll, but generally, the spirit of the r.d. inspires folks to share their wheely toys. This spirit of camaraderie enhances the event fourfold.

Other aspects to increase the magnificence of a roller disco include limbo, Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" sing-along, and highlighters in a black light room. Our recent roller disco party resulted in the drawing of at least one elephant on a neck and exultations of Vitamin D on an arm.

Roller Disco, I want to draw a portrait that embodies your spirit and put it in a living room wall and look at it every morning while I eat my oatmeal.

My favorite things - Supreme Court Justice nominee

My favorite current Supreme Court Nominee is Sotomayor. The fact that she's the ONLY current Supreme Court Nominee is irrelevant. She is like a cool breeze on a hot, mosquitoey day. Not only does it cool you down, but it whooshes the bugs away! You're super, Sotomayor, and I like you.

My favorite things - barbecue

My favorite barbecued food is a shish kabob. You can put practically anything on it! Typically, I stick to a simple meat, pineapple, onion, mushroom... you know, the usual. (How the heck do you type the first syllable of "usual"? Because that's what I want to say.)

But if I wanted, well geeze, I could add bananas, ostrich meatballs, bagel bits, flower petals, and more!

The world is my shish kabob oyster. And I could add oysters, too.

No apologies.

Here are four reasons I haven't been blogging:

1. I have been busy seeing more bears. Well, more bear. Just one.

2. In my free time, I've been reading Love in the Time of Cholera. It was good until twenty pages ago. I'll still finish it, but not with a smile.

3. I work full-time. It's like I'm a real adult, except that I regularly eat animal crackers.

4. When I sit down at the table to update, the boyfriend (who is always here when I blog because I use the internet at his house) tricks me into playing Go Fish or eating ice cream instead.  It's a rotten situation.

In sum, please stop crying about the lack of blogging, because my life is difficult.

Bear Quest '09

Bear Quest '09 - Success!

The Grizzly I saw in Yellowstone looked like this:

Pssssycccch. It looked like this:

Yep, Mr. or Ms. Grizzly was just moseying around a creek while dozens of humans goggled on. So exciting. We immediately drove back to Jackson to buy champagne and eat baked beans.

Yeaaaahhhh! Next activity: Wolf Quest '09.

YeeHaw

After a few Starbucks double shots, a decent amount of jerky, and fourteen hours of driving, I made it from Puyallup, WA to Jackson, WY. I cannot even tell you how many times I listened to Neil Diamond's "Forever in Blue Jeans." (Psych. I can tell you. I listened to it four times.)

Here are some highlights of the drive:
-Seeing a groundhog on the side of the road. A live one!
-Eating dos tacos from a taco bus in Dillon, Montana.
-Watching two real cowboys getting along the little doggies. (They were trying to make a cow to walk around a fence. That's how you getalong the little doggies.)
-Winning the lottery one thousand times.
-Sleeping in my car in the Wal-Mart parking lot in Missoula, Montana.
-Learning more about deja vu from a little podcast.
-Learning more about deja vu from a little podcast.
-Patting my car on the dashboard because it did a nice job getting me over here.

What is the opposite of "Howdy"?

S2S09 Details

Ski to Sea is a relay race. There are seven legs, as if it is a monster. Here's how it went down for the Book Club Division Champs:

Cross-country skiing: Me. I got fifth place... or fifth from last. Actually, I only noticed four people behind me, but records indicate there were more. Next year, I intend to get fifth from first. You heard it here first!

Downhill snowboarding: Michelle. She is my original hiking buddy, and she is the world's most mountain-goat-like human... in climbing ability, not looks. (She is definitely hoofless.) Michelle was amazing. She sprinted up a mountain passing dozens and then flew down in time measurements so small there are not yet words for it. That's incredible, because there are lots of words for time measurements.

Running: EThomps. EThomps' knees took it for the team as she sprinted down Mount Baker ahead of all those fools whose teams Michelle had passed. She was a stud. AND SHE SAW A BEAR! As much as I need to see a wild bear, I would not trade places with EThomps because running 8 miles down a mountain is ridiculous and only mad, athletic folks like EThomps do things like that.

Road biking: Lynn. Lynn zoomed nearly 40 miles to Everson and, as far as we know, was never attacked by anything from above. This includes both birds and anvils. She was, however, attacked by the enthusiastic screams of her teammates as they/we drove by in a tizzy of support.

Canoing (is that really how you spell it?): EBot and Courthouse. These two blockheads were not blockheady on the Nooksack River! No, no, they paddled their way to v-i-c-t-o-r-y with strength, intellect, and images in their heads of men in red dresses.

Mountain biking: Jodi. Jodi was our star athlete. When she finished her racey leg, her body legs were covered with mud and success. She came in 104th overall! Out of, like, 400 people! Geeze, Jodi is fast.

Kayaking: Bethany Jean. Bethany not only rocked the kayak better than I did last year (rocking as in "did a swell job", not a "made the boat floop back and forth"), but she wore a cuter hat! OMG, Beth! Additionally, she crossed the finish leg with flair as she unintentionally did the Stanky Leg while ringing the Bell of Glory.

Managing/Driving: Ghetto Pig. Last year, G.P. saved the day by coasting down the mountain with only cubic centimeters of gasoline left in the car. This year, she planned ahead and didn't even need to coast! After the race, she was selected as MVP and next-book-chooser for the Book Club portion of our Book Club/Ski to Sea team.

Assistant to the Managering/Video taping: NicUnCool. NicUnCool had to work for Jesus Sunday morning, but she carried her weight - in this case, "weight" means "cooler" - later in the day. Plus, she and Ghetto Pig chose some excellent crafts for the Eve of Race dinner. I admit, I gave NicUnCool a hard time for mixing up her priorities the first half of race day, but she did all right. She did alllllll right.

S2S09

I haven't told you about Ski to Sea 2009! Oh my gosh! You aren't prepared for this entry! The reason I didn't internettily build up the race like I did last year, though, was because I was training hard.

Maybe that's a lie.

Prepared or not, Better Lovers Book Club participated in Ski to Sea yesterday. We won. First place. Millions of dollars in prize money and overwhelming amounts of media attention.

Maybe that's another lie!

We did get first place in the little known (as in, our team knows about it, and now you know about it) Book Club Division. Second year in a row! Two for two!

Details later, if I feel like it. Until then, a team picture:

Please notice my new spectacles.

Bird News

Mockingbirds can tell people apart. I think that's a little freaky. You know who probably thinks it's freakier? My pal, Lynn. She's afraid of birds. In fact, she's afraid of anything that can attack her from above. I suspect she also fears bats, anvils, angels, and hail. And you know what? I bet she's not afraid of penguins, ostriches, or emus. They're birds too, Lynn! Stop claiming bird hatred if it's really things-from-above hatred that possesses you!

Anyway, if people keep saying you're paranoid because you claim a bird hates you, you may actually be right, especially if you're mean and sass the grandma who tapped your shoulder at the Mariner game. Yes, that person exists. She wore hoop earrings and rooted for the Anaheim Angels. If I were a mockingbird, I would recognize her and say, "That girl needs some niceness bird-swooped into her." Then I would, as you guessed, swoop. She'd be frightened and therefore nicer. Fear changes people.

Summer space

Do I look like a cowgirl? No? Well, after a few months in Wyoming I will. I'll walk around with a lasso and a piece of hay in my mouth, and I'll say, "Howdy." That's it. No more conversation. Just "howdy." I'll be the strong, silent type of cowgirl.

Here are things I have lined up in Jackson:
-A job
-A boyfriend
-A noble quest
And now...
-A bedroom!

Yes, as of twenty minutes ago, I officially have a room to rent for June and July. Highlights include a flower garden, my own bathroom, shag carpet, and wood panelling.

With this bedroom decor, I may actually have an identity crisis. Cowgirl? Disco queen? I don't knooow!

What I decided over salmon and potatoes.

1. If I could have dinner with anybody alive, it would be Nelle Harper Lee.

We would not eat mockingbird.


2. If I could have dinner with anybody dead, I think I'd choose Lucille Ball. I considered someone ancient, but the language barriers would get in the way.

Man, there would be some laughter at that meal. I'm a riot, and Lucy's kind of funny, too.


3. Who'd you have dinner with? Besides me. Everyone chooses me. Let's get unpredictable.