Let me tell you how March is.

It is March 1st, 12:14 AM, Trondheim Standard Time. (It's actually some other Standard Time, but I refuse to research.)

Current conditions:
-2 Celsius
Light snowfall
Happy roommate and friends in the kitchen
Sara surrounded by the stench of her rummy defeat
KJW still hilarious
Dark

Prepare yourselves, friends stuck in February. Scoff! February is old news.

Good thing my motto is, "No pride, no shame." This would be a shameful moment.

Several times this evening I looked out my window and said, "Look at all the condensation in the air! It's so weird! Like, it's not snowing, but the streetlights are still hard to see."

Then I peered out again and said, "This is so weird! Now there's even MORE water in the air!"

And again, "You'd think the water would join together and fall as rain or snow or something, wouldn't you? What's going on?"

Then I remembered.

Fog.

:-|

How the h did I forget the concept/word for FOG? We have it in Trondheim! This is not the first foggy day! I feel like a fool, a fog fool.

For Shizzle

Quotes in or about Sweden:

"People are going ask, 'What'd you do in Scandinavia?' and I'm going to say, 'I waited for the bus.'" -Clement

"Jackson is the Sweden of the West." -Drew

"For shizzle!" -Romain

We got it, B.

I have decided to be more like Beyonce. To start, I will do the following:

-Create an alter ego for when I'm feeling sassy. Beyonce's other name is Sasha Fierce. So, regular first name plus intimidating adjective.... Got it. Hildegunn ClimateChangey.

-Date a half-a-billionaire. (Not, like, half of a person who is a billionaire, but rather a whole person who has half a billion dollars.) Norway has lots of oil, but the greedy executives are probably taxed like whoa, so after I leave Trondheim, I will move to Saudi Arabia. Or Texas.

-Hire backup dancers. Boyfriend and Julie Andrews - I choose you two. Start practicing.

This is a good start.

Got Gloss on My Lips,
Hildegunn ClimateChangey

Do not howl tonight.

If you were wondering, the moon is in the Waning Crescent stage. It is 3% full.

Speaking of the moon, seven years ago E-Bot and I planned a game of charades with the high school exchange students, and one of the things they had to act out was "lunar cycle."

That remains hilarious.

Similes

It's raining in Trondheim! What!?! It's northern(ish) Norway in February, and it's raining. Not snowing. Here is what rain in Trondheim is like:

-Ludacris in fishnet stockings
-Snow in Seattle (except for the winter of 08/09)
-An effective clothes dryer in the student laundry rooms
-NicUnCool in a spread of Cool People Magazine
-Baby goats in a spread of Ugly Animal Magazine

It doesn't make sense, not even a little.

Are (circle over the A, still), Sweden

Holy Scandinavia! Learning to snowboard in Sweden was So! Much! Fun!

Here is our posse. We accidentally met up on a slope (one of my two "real" runs), and it was so exciting! Top from left: Francesco, Anthony, Clement, Roman. Bottom from left: Silvia, Fabio, me, Sara. They were millions of times better at skiing, snowboarding, etc., but I was the best at finding kitchen accessories to wear as hats.

The eight of us fit comfortably in a 600 square foot apartment. It had a sauna! And our neighbors never complained about our exuberance-expressed-through-dancing-at-all-hours-of- the-night! It's probable our neighbors were deaf.


We ate all our meals together like a family. I played the role of wise great-grandmother.


Here, Silvia is teaching me to carve on the easiest slope. Sara, my main instructor, was taking the picture. They were so patient. I paid them back by letting them watch me tear off pieces of lettuce and lie them on slices of buttered bread. It is a tough skill, but I think they'll master it soon.

Schedule

Tomorrow, I'm heading to Aare, Sweden. It's the largest ski resort in Scandinavia.

Sunday: Cozy into a small cabin with one American, two Italian, and three French persons.

Monday: Learn to snowboard.

Tuesday: Look really, really good snowboarding.

Wednesday: Build the world's largest snowboard jump, soar off of it, and land safely.

Thursday: Head back to Trondheim, and meet a wealthy snowboard mogul on the train ride back who said he saw me and would like to offer me one billion Swedish Kroner (about $100,000,000) to represent his company. Sign a contract in a dining car while Bing Crosby croons at the table to the left of ours.

Friday: Wake up a millionaire. Refuse to wear anything that is not covered in sparkles. Drink tea. Go to the library. Finish everything for my final Masters in Teaching projects. Do laundry.

Saturday: Think about what to do with my fortune. Pay off my student loans. Decide to buy a small cabin in the Cascades for regular book club meetings. Decide to buy another small cabin somewhere kayakable.

Sunday: Cook creatively with the ingredients in my cupboard, because I had been so busy thinking about school and money that I forgot to grocery shop, and stores are closed on Sundays! Feel grateful for bell peppers. Write a haiku.

Happy Valentine's Day!

My boyfriend is so adorable you are going to flop your head on the couch. He sent me a card with a basset hound on the cover - you know how I love stubby dogs - and this poem:

I was going to mail you a box on V-day,
But this puppy card was cuter,
This package was too heavy,
And the postage cost more than a computer.

If I mailed you the package to Norway,
It might make it to you in June,
But by that time you'd be with me,
And we can whistle a romantic tune.

I honestly bought you a can of beans,
Because I know you miss them a lot,
For now your dry beans will have to suffice,
If you soak them in a pot.

When you come visit with Steve and Renee,
You can keep them awake and perky,
Tell them funny stories and jokes,
And eat four pounds of jerky.

There is a plethora of wildlife in Jackson,
For you to ogle, spot, sight, and stare,
I'll find you a moose, an elk, and a goose,
And I promise you'll see a bear.

Beans! Bears! This is why we were recently voted Northern Hemisphere's Most Precious Couple.

Egg Update

I'm getting back into hard-boiled eggs.

And soft-boiled! Soft-boiled eggs are like a whole new world for me!

Sunday's brunch: soft-boiled egg, toast, waffle with brown cheese and jam, orange juice, hard boiled egg. Silverware. Plate. Salt. Table.

What I Have Learned About Myself

Traveling is a time for personal growth. Here's what I have learned about myself:

-I am more inclined to make a salad if I have chunks of pig around. Bacon bits, ham slices, cadav.
-I don't know most of the words to "Mamma Mia."
-I can't NOT dance to "Mamma Mia."
-Freddie Mercury was born in Zanzibar. (I admit, this is what I learned about Freddie Mercury, not me.)
-You know that problem where I wake up in the middle of the night, think it's morning, change into teacher clothes, make breakfast, and then realize it's 2:31 AM, not 6:31 AM? I have that issue on at least two continents.
-You know that problem where I don't drink water for a while and do things that make me sweat, like walk up steep hills or dance feverishly, and then I get thirsty? I have that issue on at least two continents, too.

Well, there we go.

Uh oh.

Sara and I noticed the lack of crazy people in Norway. "Where are they? They're not even on the bus!" we exclaimed to our European pals.

Then that whole, "If you don't know who it is, it's probably you," saying popped into my head. Shooooo.


This is Sara eating my shoe on a recent bus ride home.