Wowee wowowowee wow! I need a cat door.

Discontent

Forever ago, Washington enacted this law tsaying you can't talk on a cell phone while driving. That's dumb. I realize conversations about donuts/gay rights/cadav are distracting, but they're not the only thing. However, they're the only distraction legislated!

Soooo silly.

Here are things I do while driving that distract me as much or more as when I talk on my cell phone:
-Dance in a silly manner.
-Eat string cheese.
-Play rhyming games with the pair of aardvarks that always hang out in the back seat.
-Look for my sunglasses. I can never find them.
-Get blinded by the sun because I don't have my sunglasses.
-Check out puppies on the sidewalk.
-Sideswipe other Chevrolet Luminas so I can be the only one on the road.
-Look for Salt'n'Pepa on my iPod.
-Spill tea on my pants.
-Change into my celebrity outfit in case common folk at my destination (usually Safeway) ask for my autograph.
-Shave my legs and armpits using only a sharp rock.

Is congress going to regulate how much sun gets my eyes? Tea/pant conflicts? MY LEG STUBBLE? No, and they shouldn't get in the way of me calling friends to discuss urgent matters like Stonehenge.

I'm looking out for all of us. Keep that in mind when I run for important political positions, like treasurer of the Chevy Lumina Society. Yes, treasurer AND founder. I know.

Or The Year of Tiny Animals (Relatively Speaking) Standing Next to Their Giant Parents?

The Year of 24

Remember that post about being 23? And how Coolio rapped, "I'm 23. Will I ever live to see 24? The way things is going, I don't know"? Well, unless Griffey knocks a ball out of the ballpark and onto my gentle head, I can confidently say yes. I will live to see tomorrow. Tomorrow, I'm 24.

Usually, I declare the years as something. I think last year it was The Year of Average Haircuts as well as the traditional Year of Kelly Walden. Here are some ideas for this year:
-The Year of Pretty Comfortable Shoes
-The Year of Oatmeal with Cinnamon
-The Year of Appreciating Wild Plants
-The Year of Hydrated Skin
-The Year of Lemons (literal, not figurative)
-The Year of Susan Boyle

Others may come to me as a I gaze at the beautiful lemon tree picture to the left. Heeeeeey lemon tree.

Meet Susan Boyle.

Susan Boyle will make your heart explode, in the good way. Some rascal* won't let me put the video on my blog, so you're just going to have to click this link.

Prepare yourself for the most special seven minutes of your Youtubey life.

*"Rascal" is most commonly used by a fellow named Drew.

Neuroticism by state

The picture is both interesting and linky!

Bissues

Our dogs' names are Buster and Blue. If you have a master's degree, like me, then you noticed that both names start with "B." That's why my life is complicated.

You see, I like to call dogs by their first initial. It welcomes them into the friendship club. But if I only did that, it'd be like our dogs have the same name!

Here is how I deal with the B crisis:
-Call them both "B", like "Hey B. Hey B."
-Call them "[Color] B", like "Hey Brown B. Hey Black B."
-Call them "B" and "Other B", like "Hey B, Hey Other B," depending on who I saw first.
-Call them "Big B" and "Little B," like "Hey Big B. Hey Little B." Unfortunately, this is complicated too, since "Little B" is always Blue, who is actually bigger than "Big B", Buster. It's an age thing.

Though it can be confusing for me, I'm confident that the doggers understand who the heck I'm talking to. Good job, B's.

Here's a guy holding a baby manatee he saved.

Heeeeeey baby manatee.

I'd write one of those happy, medium-tempo rap songs about this week.

Sure, I've graduated, but that doesn't mean I've stopped learning. Here are some new things I've discovered:

-Raphael Saadiq!

-Apple Cinnamon tea tastes like that powder apple cider mix. This is excellent news. Tea is cheaper and healthier, and if a snoot were to call me up randomly and say, "TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE DOING THIS INSTANT," answering, "Drinking tea," would be thought of more highly than "Drinking cider."

-Dog throw-up does not get less gross as one grows older.

-One can simultaneously love and hate a book. ::stink eye to Bel Canto::

-Unemployment isn't so bad when your parents are willing to pay for housing, food, wine, the occasional ice cream sundae, and so on.

-I am da bomb. Psssssych! That is not a NEW discovery.

Geeze, I need a job.

Reuinted and it feels so good.

One thing I missed while in Norway: book club. Look at us. Look! Only literacy and hilaaaaaaarious jokes about Voldemort could bring forth such smiles.

Sister Act

I have decided to spend my unemployment doing important things - thus, the four part series, "Musicals Are My Soul: KJW's Correct Opinions About Great Movies." This is the first installment.

Sister Act is the greatest film of its time.

Maybe I'm biased because as a wee lady I hated Mass more than anything on earth, and Sister Mary Clarence's choir could have changed that. But probably not. I think the allure of Sister Act is universal.

First of all, um, Whoopi! Who else could have fit that afro into a habit? Who else could have switched from gold pants to black and white robe so gracefully? Who else could have balanced such sass with compassion when telling Alma to check her battery? Nobody. To this day, my heart beats faster when I see Whoopi Goldberg on screen. I don't like fast heartbeats, though, so I don't watch The View.

Also, that scene where Sister Mary Clarence tries to say a fancy prayer before eating the chili-looking stuff but instead says, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of no food, I will fear no hunger," is freaking brilliant. Sister Act is so funny!

And finally, there's all the heavenly music. When Sister Act is playing, one cannot sit still, no matter one's religious preference. Even Protestants that usually feel uncomfortable when someone mentions Mary will get moving when "Oh Maria" starts playing. Also, Sister Act not only provides music for your listening enjoyment - it also teaches you how to sing! To this day, I still imagine myself singing above in a room full of people, lots of silverware, people dropping stuff, talking loud, drunks, women with trays going "What're you gonna have?" when I sing Salt'n'Pepa tunes at Karaoke.

I leave you with this masterpiece:



Sister Act be with you.

FYI 2

I like Paula Abdul, and I will defend her from your scornful, envious remarks.